I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize