my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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