I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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