So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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