TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
