I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
