You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
