If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
