Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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