i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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