Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
