Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
