My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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