Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
