have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
