He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
