I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
