Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
