it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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