so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
