i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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