babies were throwing up all over the place
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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