what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize