Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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