Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
True strength comes from lack of pants
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
