How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
