And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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