I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
