i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
