i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
