she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
