Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize