I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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