I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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