Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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