There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
