i think my mom watched the whole time
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
