Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
