She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
