My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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