I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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