Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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