ugly people sure do ruin things
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
