um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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