I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
