Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
