i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
