so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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