everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
