I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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