hell yes lets make some ravioli
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
