I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
