Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
