Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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