After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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