your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
NoShamevember. You game?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
