tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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