I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
