how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
