She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
