You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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