I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
