I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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