I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
