You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
