Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
