Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
