I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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