you have to choose: penises or morals?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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