are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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