i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
