well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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