Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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