Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
