I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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