It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
