Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
