i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize