I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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