I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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